Polymyositis

After two months of muscle aches and pains, I finally have a culprit: polymyositis. Unfortunately, tracking down the diagnosis consumed several weeks, several weeks during which my body's immune system was permitted to have a field day consuming some 12-15 pounds of muscle in early May alone.

Fun stuff.

Apparently it's an incredibly rare autoimmune disorder. It was brought on by the flu, in my case, in mid February. I noticed that the aches and pains never quite went away, but I was running two companies, selling a house, had just bought a new house, etcetera.

I'd mentioned the muscle aches to my asthma doc during a regular checkup in late March. He prescribed prednisone for a week and I was cured. That's when we made the offer on the new house.

But, as fate will have it, within days of closing on the new house the muscle aches came back. And this time they meant business. Within days I had no energy. None. Imagine mononucleosis times ten. If I carried a box from the car to the house, I'd have to lay down for ten minutes to recover. Then double pneumonia set in, followed by loss of appetite, pounding headaches and total unrelenting fatigue.

My general practitioner was stumped. "Don't know," he said. "But I can tell you what it's not."

So I prayed. Quite a bit actually. And I began making several mental contingency plans. I could feel my body shutting down, so I knew I wasn't being overdramatic.

A rheumatologist, reviewing even more blood work, was able to pin the ailment down. "Why, your creatine-kinase level is 1,800; it should be 200. That's a tell-tale sign."

Overall this thing can be beat, but it's often chronic and even in great-case scenarios can require a half a year from which to recover. I've never been one to really relax much, so learning to work even eight hour days is going to prove challenging.

Conventional medicine, meanwhile, offers several treatment options, some of which make me quite uncomfortable. However, I'm fortunate to have access to a physician wishing to help attack this disorder using alternative therapies, which is what I'm going to do.

For now it's back to prednisone. Thankfully, after a solid week of dosing, the aches and fatigue are showing signs of weakening (and the pneumonia's clearing up noticeably). Now it's up to me to get more rest, eat better and study up on this illness.

Bob Barker: One Class Act

There will never be another Bob Barker.

50 years on TV! What a run.

Some of my greatest childhood memories are sick days spent skipping school. Whenever I could convince my mom I was truly sick (droopy eyes were always good for at least one day at home), I was assured of receiving a catered day on the couch. From being encouraged to drink plenty of liquids (often Sprite and Pepsi among them) to being fed Pine Brothers and Smith Brothers cough drops, daytime television (and library books) were a constant companion. Of course, The Price Is Right was never to be missed. What in it appealed to me as a child I cannot say, but I always felt a touch better whenever I heard the show's jingle.

As an adult I took few sick days when working corporate jobs. In fact, I often went to work ill when I should probably have stayed home. But, such was my work ethic (even if it meant infecting poor innocent coworkers). On those days, though, that I did call in sick, daytime television again helped pass the time. Most of the programming noticeably turned to rubish, but there was always something soothing provided by the consistency of The Price Is Right. How wrong could things be, after all, if Bob Barker was still inviting contestants to play Plinko?

Sure, you might be missing an incredibly important budgeting meeting with a 102-degree fever, but if Bob Barker was on you had a tie to your childhood. Things would again be all right.

Unfortunately, that's no longer the case. After an incredible 50-year run, Bob Barker is entering a well-earned retirement.

What a class act this guy was. You never read about him in trouble, he parodied himself wonderfully in Adam Sandler's Happy Gilmore, he encouraged millions to spay and neuter their pets, and he spoke out against wearing fur. You can't get much better than that, I suspect.

How 'Bout Them Brewers?

Like clockwork, the Brewers are tearing up the National League Central. Neither the Astros, Cubs, Pirates, Cardinals nor Reds (sitting in the cellar thanks to an unbelievably atrocious bullpen that gave up five runs today alone in a painful eighth inning in L.A.) have anything for Milwaukee.

How's that like clockwork?

Apparently the Milwaukee Major League Baseball franchise is slated to make the World Series every 25 years. The Braves won it in 1957. The Brewers nearly won again in 1982. Tack on 25 years to that and what do you get?

2007. That's right.

This is no fluke, though. While the ballclub hasn't posted a winning record since 1992, it's on quite a tear now. We're talking 9-and-1 homestands, starting pitchers going 5-0, etc. This is a well-rounded unit.

So give the Brew Crew its due. The Brewers have earned their rise to the top of the National League Central. This team has slowly built a formidable ballclub, one with few if any weaknesses. From their coaching staff to the pitching rotation to the franchise's fielders (Fielder, get it?), this team's good enough that the Milwaukee faithful certainly won't have to wait another 25 years to prove competitive in the post-season.